Masking as performance art
Ah, masking: that exhausting dance we do to 'pass' - as neurotypical, as straight, as 'normal' (whatever that means). It's draining, but unmasking can feel terrifying. And for those of us who didn't discover our true selves until later in life, it can be hard to know who we are without the mask. That's when creating an alter ego can be an awfully useful thing to do...
I spent decades constructing the most elaborate mask - doing my best to pass as neurotypical, as normal, as someone whose brain is not a wonky mess of misunderstanding and missed cues. It was exhausting, it didn’t always work, and it cost me a great deal.
Masking is a survival mechanism. But over the years I’ve come to realise it is also, undeniably, a form of performance art.
I've been thinking about this a lot over the last year or so, because in 2025 I did something I've been putting off for a decade: I let my alter ego out of my head and into the world.
Her name is Zuzu. She's the version of me that doesn't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of her. She’s me, but dialled all the way up to eleven. She’s the me I’m able to be when I’m being completely faithful to myself and my own vision.
She's also been living in my imagination since 2015 (can you believe that’s eleven years ago now!!), when I watched a documentary about Diana Vreeland, the former editor-in-chief of Vogue, and wrote in my journal that I wanted to make myself a work of art. It took ten years, but here we are.
What I've discovered in the process of unmasking - incrementally, carefully, always with one eye on the exit - is that the mask and the face underneath it aren't always as separate as I thought. When you've been performing a version of yourself for long enough, you start to lose track of where the performance ends.
Which is terrifying, but also oddly liberating: if the self is constructed anyway, you may as well be deliberate about how you construct it. That's where alter egos come in.
Here are 5 things (about masking & alter egos) to delight you:
1.
I'm fascinated by this idea that we don't really have one true identity - that there are 100s or even 1000s of versions of us that exist in the minds of others.
2.
"I have grown up into adulthood with that mask on and sometimes it’s impossible to tell what is a mask and what is the real me. It had become so fused with my face that I don’t know what is my real skin and what is the disguise that covers it."
What to do when you're masked even to yourself.
3.
"I have always been fascinated by alter-egos. The idea that you can step into a completely different version of yourself, one that has none of your hang-ups, or fears, or baggage. Someone who embodies a completely different aspect of who you are. If feels delicious, and subversive, and powerful."
Ever wondered who on earth this Zuzu character is? Allow me to introduce you to my alter ego.
4.
"We all have hidden selves, but rarely do people name them, let alone give them an entire body of work."
I love this exploration of the greatest art aliases of all time.
5.
Finally, this piece from Tara McMullin on embracing our online identities as performance art gives me goosebumps:
"Leigh decided to perform on Instagram as if she were a character in the world she created for her novel. It was an opportunity to create something funny and engaging while also managing her identity."
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