Fetish/Phobia
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Fetish/Phobia
from the Things Men Have Said To Me Instead Of Hello collection
Acrylic, rhinestones, tights, batting, acrylic resin on canvas
Things Men Have Said To Me Instead Of Hello
I go into detail about what this collection is all about on the collection overview page, but if you haven’t seen that you can read the description in the accordion below - click the + sign.
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If you have spent any time in my company over the last six to eight months, you will have heard me talk about my latest collection, Things Men Have Said To Me Instead Of Hello.
The collection comprises 10 pieces inspired by things actual men said to me instead of hello during a period of online dating in my mid-thirties. I took screenshots of the most heinous, graphic, and creepy openers and, although at the time I wasn’t sure what I was saving them for, the idea for this collection arrived a few years later.
The purpose of bringing these ‘greetings’ (if you can call them that) into the light is not to demonise men, and paint them as predatory monsters in contrast to the delicate saintliness of women eyeroll. It’s to open the floor for discussions about the patriarchal waters we are all swimming in, perpetuate, and, to a greater or lesser degree, are complicit in.
I want to provoke discussions about rape culture, the male gaze, beauty standards etc etc, and explore all the ways in which we all benefit or are hindered by the status quo. Most importantly, I want you to join me in the horrified realisation of how NORMAL we’ve made all of these things.
When I’ve told people about this collection, the responses from women and men are vastly different. The women know immediately what I’m referring to, and usually respond with some related (horror) story, delivered in the blasé manner of someone who has been dealing with this shit her whole life (because she has).
The men on the other hand, range from absolutely horrified, to knowing stuff like this happens but only in an abstract kinda way, to (on one memorable occasion) asking me if any of the ‘Men’ I’m referring to have ever mentioned my “great tits” - I kid you not.
I’m not going to go into all of the ways that the patriarchy is a problem for men as much as it is a problem for women (and I’m aware that I’m leaning into the gender binary here for simplicity’s sake, but really it’s a problem for ALL of us), but suffice to say that we can’t make things better unless we can see, identify, and name the problem.
This collection is my contribution to bringing these open secrets into the light.
Fetish/Phobia
The ‘greeting’ immortalised in this piece is ‘Are you really fat?’. There are only two reasons for asking this question - either you’re really, really into that (fetish), or you’re really, really not (phobia). Both instances (as we see over and over again in this collection) strip the recipient of their basic humanity, and reduce them to a mere object to be consumed.
The first part of the question - ‘are you really’ - is rendered in sparkly gold rhinestones, which create a striking visual contrast with the main event - the word ‘fat’: huge capital letters made from stuffed tights that ooze out of the picture plane with resplendent puffs and curves. They are so reminiscent of real flesh that the effect is both grotesque and gorgeous, vulnerable and disturbing.
It’s telling that everyone who has seen this piece so far has asked to touch it - there’s something so tactilely inviting about those flesh-toned bulges. Viewers want to reach out, to assess, to feel the softness. Which is, of course, exactly what the original message was doing: reaching out to touch, to evaluate whether this flesh is acceptable for consumption. The piece makes the audience complicit in the very act it critiques.
The tights themselves are inherently sexual, so using them in this way adds an extra layer of meaning - they’re traditionally a garment used to cover, to contain (control-top pantyhose!), but also to titillate.
The words sit atop a background of deep red, streaked with white. I wanted to evoke raw meat. A visual reminder of ‘the meat market’, both literal and metaphorical. Making explicit what the message implies: women's bodies are being assessed as commodities. Are you the right cut? The acceptable grade?
The irony being, of course, that the best and most highly prized meat is richly marbled with fat - everyone knows that’s where the flavour comes from, right?
Finally, the whole messy bundle is wrapped in another of the gorgeous, gilded frames that I’ve used throughout the collection - once again underlining the fact that we still venerate the words of men, even when those words are this appalling, just by virtue of their gender.
See the rest of the pieces in this collection below.
