Sales Pitch
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Sales Pitch
from the Things Men Have Said To Me Instead Of Hello collection
Acrylic on Papier-Mâché
Things Men Have Said To Me Instead Of Hello
I go into detail about what this collection is all about on the collection overview page, but if you haven’t seen that you can read the description in the accordion below - click the + sign.
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If you have spent any time in my company over the last six to eight months, you will have heard me talk about my latest collection, Things Men Have Said To Me Instead Of Hello.
The collection comprises 10 pieces inspired by things actual men said to me instead of hello during a period of online dating in my mid-thirties. I took screenshots of the most heinous, graphic, and creepy openers and, although at the time I wasn’t sure what I was saving them for, the idea for this collection arrived a few years later.
The purpose of bringing these ‘greetings’ (if you can call them that) into the light is not to demonise men, and paint them as predatory monsters in contrast to the delicate saintliness of women eyeroll. It’s to open the floor for discussions about the patriarchal waters we are all swimming in, perpetuate, and, to a greater or lesser degree, are complicit in.
I want to provoke discussions about rape culture, the male gaze, beauty standards etc etc, and explore all the ways in which we all benefit or are hindered by the status quo. Most importantly, I want you to join me in the horrified realisation of how NORMAL we’ve made all of these things.
When I’ve told people about this collection, the responses from women and men are vastly different. The women know immediately what I’m referring to, and usually respond with some related (horror) story, delivered in the blasé manner of someone who has been dealing with this shit her whole life (because she has).
The men on the other hand, range from absolutely horrified, to knowing stuff like this happens but only in an abstract kinda way, to (on one memorable occasion) asking me if any of the ‘Men’ I’m referring to have ever mentioned my “great tits” - I kid you not.
I’m not going to go into all of the ways that the patriarchy is a problem for men as much as it is a problem for women (and I’m aware that I’m leaning into the gender binary here for simplicity’s sake, but really it’s a problem for ALL of us), but suffice to say that we can’t make things better unless we can see, identify, and name the problem.
This collection is my contribution to bringing these open secrets into the light.
Sales Pitch
I designed this papier-mâché amphora with the distinctive aesthetic of ancient Greek pottery, but instead of depicting a heroic myth or celebrating athletic success, this vessel is covered with a far less heroic narrative:
“I am a tall, smart, dark, handsome and successful man. I do important research. I am bored as I don’t have friends. My hobbies are swimming and cooking. I’m very well versed in Karma (sic) Sutra poses and the art of Sensui massage, which promises sensual and complete lovemaking.”
This ancient vessel form - traditionally used as a status symbol, or to store precious commodities such as wine or oil - here becomes a container for something considerably less valuable: the delusional self-marketing of a lonely man who has mistaken a dating app for some kind of sexual LinkedIn.
I chose the form of an amphora because the formality and grandeur of it (it’s the sort of item we see venerated as documentation of our own importance as a species) make the text even more absurd. The vessel itself is papier-mâché - cardboard and old newspaper masquerading as something ancient and important. We're looking at this masculine display of ‘prowess’ rendered in a medium that suggests historical importance and cultural weight (much like the gilded frames used throughout this collection). But the actual content is the desperate flailing of someone who fundamentally misunderstands human connection.
What's fascinating (and deeply uncomfortable) about this particular greeting is how cold and transactional it is. I’m not suggesting there is any malice here, it’s a genuine bid for connection, but it really speaks to the cultural norms of how men are taught to regard themselves, and by extension, the women they interact with.
This man has literally created a bullet-pointed list of his "qualifications" for... what exactly? A romantic connection? A sexual encounter? A job as a gigolo? He seems unclear himself, which is perhaps why he throws in everything from his job credentials to his alleged mastery of "Karma (sic) Sutra postures."
I’m particularly fond of that misspelling, btw - nothing says "I'm very well versed" quite like not knowing how to spell Kama Sutra.
But here's where it gets genuinely sad: "I am bored as I don’t have friends." Buried in the middle of this grandiose self-advertisement is an admission of profound isolation. For a brief moment, we glimpse an actual human - trying to connect, but getting it oh-so-heartbreakingly wrong.
It's funny until it isn't. It's absurd until you remember that this is someone's actual attempt at human connection, warped beyond recognition by cultural messages about masculinity, desirability, and what women supposedly want.
This doesn't excuse the approach (leading with your sexual technique credentials is not, in fact, how you make friends), but it does complicate our response. As I’ve explored throughout this collection, the patriarchy damages everyone, including men.
See the rest of the pieces in this collection below.
